Victim or ownership mindset: The vital choice that shapes your life

As you look at your life, what is the number one determinant of your performance as a CEO, spouse, parent or human being?

I believe our mindset is the number one determinant of our performance, because it’s the one thing we always have control over. At any moment, we can operate from two very different mindsets, the victim mindset and the ownership mindset. The results we produce while operating from these two mindsets are vastly different, profoundly impacting our leadership, relationships, energy, performance and the quality of our lives.

As you consider this, do you know which mindset you are operating from at any given moment?

Everyone experiences a victim mindset

I’ve spent a lot of time coaching people in every stratum of the human experience, and so far, I have never met a person who hasn’t spent time in the victim mindset. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with the victim mindset, it just isn’t fun. It’s not fun because we give up things — our sense of control, energy, and confidence — but most importantly, we give up being present.

So, how do we enter the victim mindset? The moment we start reacting to life is the moment we enter the victim mindset. Whether that reaction is to a pandemic that threatened our business, leaving us lost or stuck for days or weeks, or our upset 5-year-old, whom we can’t entirely control, causing frustration and anger. Reaction causes us to go to the victim mindset, but fear keeps us there. Fear prevents us from taking risks or making bold requests of others or ourselves. Fear is the killer of possibility, and it is the foundation of the victim mindset.

On the other side of the equation is the ownership mindset. It is rooted in the awareness that we are responsible for our lives. In essence, we own that we are the cause of our lives. Who else is causing our lives?

Ownership starts with intention

We enter the ownership mindset when we start actively creating our lives, and a created life starts with intention. Living without intention is a lot like being a boat without a rudder. How could you have an amazing marriage, relationship with your kids, career or an amazing life if you weren’t intending it?

Do you have a daily practice focused on creating your life through intention? If not, consider starting your day with some form of practice — prayer, meditation, or directed thought — that has you intending your day. We are incredibly good at creating what we focus on, but if we’re not focused on anything, we will just get what we get. Twenty minutes a day can have a huge impact on your performance and your life.

When we operate from the ownership mindset, our energy is very high, and our confidence is grounded. We have clarity and a strong sense of who we are and what we’re up to. It’s from this created state that we produce our best results both at work and at home. The biggest benefit of the ownership mindset is that we’re slowing down. We’re way more present with others and ourselves.

The 3 pillars of the ownership mindset

I have distilled the ownership mindset into love, purpose and presence.

1. Love: Choose it over fear

Love is the foundation of the ownership mindset. The following are three modalities of love.

Choosing love over fear. In many ways, this choice dictates the quality of our lives and our relationships. What if you chose love over fear just 10% more often in your life? Because you can. We’re born loving, but what gets in the way of us being loving is fear. Fear can block our willingness to be kind, generous, empathetic or vulnerable — all critical elements of leadership.

Loving yourself enough to push through the fear. Fear is all around us. Leadership is not about being fearless; it’s about being courageous. Courage is a created state. No one was born courageous. It is a manifestation of loving yourself enough to push through the fear.

Loving life enough to intentionally create fun. Whatever you do for fun, the reason it’s fun is because it calls you into being present. And you can’t be too present. And the more present you are, the better your life will go. What do you do for fun? How often are you doing it, and what if you did it a little more often? Are you having fun at work? If not, why not? What would you need to do to make work more fun?

2. Purpose: Unlocking discretionary energy

Purpose has a strong relationship with something powerful in the human condition called discretionary energy. The higher the purpose, the more willing we are to give our discretionary energy. In terms of leadership, the critical question is, are you pulling the discretionary energy out of your direct reports? If not, why not?

One place to look is purpose. Specifically, is the purpose of your organization clear and compelling? Would your employees know the purpose of your business? FYI, money is not a purpose; it is a result of a purpose.

3. Presence: The portal to meaning

Presence is the portal to everything meaningful as a human being. I have never met a person who could articulate one positive, meaningful experience they’ve had when they weren’t present. How present are you with your direct reports? Or more importantly, how present are you at home? What if you were 10% more present in your life?

Being present is not a skill; it’s a willingness thing. Am I willing to slow down with the person right in front of me and overwhelm them with my presence? What would that do to the quality of your life and the relationships in your life?

Victim vs. Owner. It is the vital choice. What mindset are you choosing today?

Want to learn more? Then check out Todd’s discussion, The Victim vs. The Ownership Mindset. The discussion includes a Q&A session with Vistage Chair Ola Sage.

Related Resources

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Mindset 2.0: Making hard things easier [Webinar on-demand]

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